Why?

So for some reason tonight I went to my friend E's Episcopal Church, to their weekly Healing Service. It put me in mind of Susan Howatch's Starbridge novels, or the ones that focus on Nick's healing ministry. The priest at E's church was fine, but probably not the kind of mystic who might cry out, "who has touched the hem of my garment?!" as Nick (essentially) did.
I felt like going to this service; I don't know why. I didn't go forward to be anointed or to have anyone pray for me. I *did* hear the priest's message about people who get stuck in their dis-ease, out of fear or perhaps comfort in the known.
What I want healing for is my relationship with God.
AM I stuck in some kind of fearful place, the position about which Dr. Phil would surely ask, "How's that workin' for ya?"-- implying that there must be SOMETHING I like, want or need in the position where I'm stuck, or else I would grow out of it?
Thinking about marrying my partner A... we have decided on October, even though there are lots of questions still out there. I feel like it's stepping off a cliff, but in a very good way. I have trouble being the center of loving attention; don't trust it, want to run from it, fear it'll end one day, just as I have come to rely on it. Is THAT the dis-ease with which I have become too comfortable?